Look at me blog… look at me blog… I’m blogging!!!
That’s right… I’m not comfortable with my own thoughts, so what’s the most logical thing to do??? Oh, that’s right. Make them public! I’m smart like that.
I’ve had a lost in thought kind of day. You know, the kind of lost in thought day where you shampoo your hair twice because you forgot you already did it. Oh, but I’m one step crazier. I shampooed my hair three times today. That’s right. I’m sure that looked super awesome from above the maze.
Above the maze — I’ve always pictured myself and everyone around me as little mice in a maze, being watched by “God” from above. He laughs at how stupid and pathetic I am…. and he also likes to put things in my maze that make me go insane. Like what? Oh… like tasty chocolate cake when I’m trying to diet. Rainy gloomy days when I’m already fucking down in the dumps. You know, he hates me and like to torture me. Sooo… my point is I could picture him laughing when I shampooed my hair over and over… and over again. I’m sure I looked like a broken record. And… I’m sure THIS makes me look a bit schizophrenic. Perhaps I should add that to my list.
So, all of that and I haven’t even got to the point of this entry. My first day of therapy. I felt like I actually got something out of it (which says something, because I’m pretty anti-therapy). I have no coping skills. Well, I have some… but they are all unhealthy. I keep returning to those fucking skills because I do not know what else to do! It’s all I’ve ever done. Apparently I need to learn healthy ones???
Now, if you knew me… you would be thinking, “well… duh, I could have told you that.”
Well…. you didn’t!!!
Or you did, but I was too drunk to remember. One of the two.