I’m not sure if it was true “mania” today, but holy smokes. I had energy and then some. After being so depressed, I could barely open my eyes for the last few weeks… this was a nice change. I was bouncing off the wall cleaning, organizing, sorting… planning. This looks so healthy, right??! Um, well… it also gave me the energy to get my suicide kit all together.
Wait… I was happy today, wasn’t I?? I wouldn’t exactly call it happy. Sure, my house is clean and organized like a normal person. I even made fucking curtains!!! What the hell? However, my racing thoughts and plans of suicide are not that of a normal person. Are they? No… no… not normal. When I wanted to die last week I had no energy to do anything about it. Now… I have everything ready and waiting. I am not planning on using my kit right away… it’s tucked away in case I want to use it later. I’m thinking this is the perfect example of the dangers of mania. I think… maybe?? Maybe I will discuss this with my therapist for my next appointment. I received my DBT workbook in the mail… I’ll sharpen some #2 pencils and maybe a protractor and I should be good to go. Booyah.