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Category Archives: Depression
drowning in lonely
I have always had a fear of drowning. Filling up and not being able to expand my lungs with air. Water is scary. Water has such power. Interestingly enough, it holds both life-sustaining and life-ending power. Many times water – … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Depression
Tagged dreams, drowning, water
the more i write
The more I write, the less depressed I feel. What the fuck is that about? Is all the bullshit about journaling true? Did my commitment to doing this one small, selfish thing everyday make a difference? My concentration still sucks, … Continue reading
Posted in Depression
Tagged depression, writing
depression’s upside
NYT Magazine — Depression’s Upside Love a good pro-rumination article… “The alternative, of course, is that depression has a secret purpose and our medical interventions are making a bad situation even worse. Like a fever that helps the immune system … Continue reading
Posted in Depression
Tagged depression, intellectualization
mushrooms
Check this out: “Magic Mushroom” Trips Point to New Depression Drug Awhile back, when I was looking at street drugs to help with depression — ketamine, marijuana, etc — R suggested psilocybin as something that would probably be more helpful … Continue reading
Posted in Depression, Medications
Tagged depression, meds
why do i fucking care?
Because caring makes me sad. It makes me hurt. It makes me anxious. It makes me hate me.
Posted in Depression
Tagged depression
40% on a good day
Aristophanes’ story: Once upon a time there were human beings without a sex — male or female — like we know today. They were great, round creatures with two faces and eight limbs; they were fast and clever. When the … Continue reading
Posted in Depression, General Neurosis, Personal K
Tagged lonely, self loathing
suicide: part 2
So, why have I not killed myself: (1) I don’t want to fuck up my kids, and sadly, they have become old enough that they would probably understand that they weren’t enough for me if I called it a day. … Continue reading
Posted in Depression, Suicidal Thoughts
Tagged depression, suicide
suicide: part 1
I think about suicide and death a lot. Like, a lot a lot. And I have for a very long time. My list for killing myself goes something like this: I’m overwhelmingly sad and it never goes away I feel … Continue reading
Posted in Depression, Suicidal Thoughts
Tagged depression, suicide
missing me
Sometimes I miss the me I was. It’s not that the old me was anything special, but she was something more than this. She was funny… kind of smart, a snappy dresser. She still had a little confidence. Even while … Continue reading
Posted in Depression, Personal K
Tagged depression, fear, lonely
nothing
I don’t know why I’m here. I’ve typed…deleted…typed…deleted in this damn box for about 20 minutes now, and nothing is coming out. The only thing sticking is my usual line of “I hate myself and I want to die.” That’s … Continue reading
Posted in Depression, Suicidal Thoughts
Tagged depression, self loathing, suicide